


at the end of this rotation

by pillager_satanael



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Gift Fic, Grief/Mourning, Introspection, Language of Flowers, Let Rin Grieve His Father 2k19, Loss of Parent(s), Mephisto is Rin's Big Brother, Okumura Yukio Being Less of an Asshole, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family, Yukio salt, also Rin and Yukio's birthday is now December 25, and i would throw hands with him, but he still is one, given the opportunity, no beta we die like men, post Kyoto Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21968974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pillager_satanael/pseuds/pillager_satanael
Summary: Rin faces his first birthday, and his first Christmas, without his father.Or, as he’s started to see it, the first of both after killing the one person who never gave up on him.
Relationships: Fujimoto Shirou & Okumura Rin, Kamiki Izumo & Okumura Rin, Kuro & Okumura Rin, Miwa Konekomaru & Okumura Rin & Shima Renzou & Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji, Moriyama Shiemi & Okumura Rin, Okumura Rin & Everyone, Okumura Rin & Mephisto Pheles, Okumura Rin & Okumura Yukio, Okumura Rin & Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Comments: 30
Kudos: 353





	at the end of this rotation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [widdlewed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/widdlewed/gifts).



> Okay so it's been a hot minute since I've watched Blue Exorcist and while I'm up to date with the manga, I'm sure there might be some inconsistencies and errors, and seeing as I haven't written for this fandom before, characters might be a little OOC. Especially Yukio. There's also some Yukio salt so if you're a huge fan of him, my bad lmao. 
> 
> All you need to know timeline-wise is that this is set sometime after the Kyoto Arc, but there shouldn't be any spoilers unless you haven't seen episode two. Also, while it isn't important to the story, Rin has a crush on Suguro that is only briefly mentioned, but their interactions can still be read as platonic so I haven't tagged it as them having a relationship. 
> 
> Let me know if I need to tag anything else! Enjoy!
> 
> And, of course, Merry Christmas, Widdlewed!

_and the saddest part of all_

_you’ll cling to the good memories_

_as if there were any_

_you’ll take these dirty walls_

_and paint over them_

_with the brightest colours_

_known to man_

_but the pain will always be there_

\- an excerpt of ‘taken away’, a poem by R.H. Sin

For someone whose birthday was celebrated in December - and on Christmas Day, of all days - Rin found himself facing the upcoming holidays with some strange semblance of discomfort. 

That was a kind choice of words, in his opinion. He couldn’t quite place how he felt about it at first, but as October drew to a close, he began to realise that he wasn’t engaging in the usual seasonal cheer that made an appearance towards the end of the month. As bright, twinkling lights started to manifest across storefronts throughout the city and window displays grew more festive with each passing day, Rin didn’t feel that spark of excitement he had all the years previous. 

He didn’t smile at the appearance of decorations that flooded aisle after aisle, the trees that went up, or the fake snow that dusted various arrangements. For once, he didn’t spare much thought for these things, nor his own reactions. Likewise, Rin didn’t notice himself frowning at certain advertisements that came on the radio or changing the channel during specific commercials. He’d scowl after overhearing excited conversations on his way to class without meaning to, and after realising his actions his foul mood would only worsen. 

It was something that Rin eventually became aware of, because of just how abnormal it was for him, but it was also something that he knew wasn’t too important in the grand scheme of things. It wasn’t a big deal when he had homework to think about, exams to study for, training sessions to attend to, a brother that thought of him as a nuisance, and a classroom full of peers that probably still didn’t _really_ trust him. 

It wasn’t something worth dwelling on when his life was a complete and utter mess that refused to improve no matter how hard he tried.

But it was still _something_.

* * *

It was a Sunday afternoon when the thought came to Rin. He was sitting at his desk, struggling with his homework while Kuro murmured words of encouragement from where he was perched on Rin’s shoulder. Yukio sat at his own desk to Rin’s right, poring over countless worksheets that his older brother couldn’t even hope to understand, his brow furrowed in deep thought from the moment the siblings returned to the dorm. Every so often, though, he would take a short break to offer a few stern words to remind Rin to focus when the latter’s mind began to wander. Other than that, it was a nice, peaceful quiet between them.

Rin, who was so preoccupied with the question he’d been stuck on for the past half an hour, only just heard himself distractedly ask Yukio about the upcoming holidays. Like most years, he liked to plan ahead, regardless of the fact that there was over a month to plan things like decorations, presents, and food. He was notorious for his festive cheer and premature excitement, and this year was no different.

“Hey, Yukio, what’re you-”

Except it _was_.

Rin stopped himself abruptly, his eyes widening in horror as his mind caught up with his question and answered it for him. Or, rather, halted his train of thought with the worst reality check he’d ever received. 

Yukio lifted his head from his own notes, peering at him curiously. “What is it?”

Rin swallowed to clear his throat, but it continued to tighten with emotion he couldn’t control. In his mind’s eye, he saw images that he couldn’t quite rid himself of, no matter how hard he tried. Fragments of of his father’s last moments rang in his ears, of a death he had caused, a life far more precious than his, gone due to Rin’s own foolishness. His eyes burned at the thought - they always did, always _would_ \- and he sucked in a breath to keep the sudden tears at bay. 

He wouldn’t allow himself to break down, not here, not in front of Yukio, who was convinced and had even convinced Rin that he was the cause of their father’s death. He was surprised that he allowed himself to forget such a fact long enough to act as if he and Yukio were still living at the monastery. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten about the monster he was and the pain he caused to those around him even for a second. 

That was what made this light-hearted, familiar question burn like nothing else could.

_What’re you getting Dad for Christmas?_

Like blazing, blue flames, burning, burning, _burning_ until there was nothing _left_ to burn-

_“I haven’t even shown you anything yet-”_

His father’s lips twisted into a smile that was something cruel and sickening and _not_ Fujimoto Shiro-

_“Don’t die on me, old man-”_

Blood seeping from Fujimoto’s eyes, and his mouth, and his nose, his old man dying _right before his eyes_ -

_“Dad!”_

What could he have done? All Rin could do was sit there and scream and cry and do _absolutely_ -

“N-Nothing.” He blurted out, turning his head so he didn’t have to meet Yukio’s gaze. “Just- nevermind.”

“Nii-san...” Yukio pressed with slight irritation that only worsened when Rin didn’t respond. “If you’re looking for an excuse to get out of your work by distracting me with pointless nonsense-”

“I’m _not_.” Rin cut in sharply, scowling. “Just forget it.”

And, just as Yukio often did when dealing with what he deemed as his brother’s childish behaviour, he let it go. It was not the first of their small, petty arguments, and it would be far from the last. So, he returned to his work with a pointed, disgruntled huff under his breath, and that was that.

Rin bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood - a bad habit that had started before his teeth had sharpened with the appearance of his demon side - and took a few deep breaths. It was futile. His grief was persistent and his eyes continued to sting with unshed tears no matter what he did, but Rin knew he had to sit and finish his homework and leave everything else until later. As much as he wanted to storm off and clear his head, that would raise questions from Yukio that he couldn’t bring himself to answer.

_Rin?_

Kuro pressed his cheek against Rin’s, nuzzling close in a manner that was never not soothing. 

_Are you okay?_

Rin closed his eyes and hated the way his lips trembled at the contact, how close he felt to snapping. He scratched behind his familiar’s ears in gratitude for the comfort, forever grateful that he and Kuro could speak telepathically. It meant that Rin didn’t have to worry about Yukio’s input or interference in their conversations, or his own voice faltering and giving him away. Kuro would understand his grief and accept it more than Yukio would, but that didn’t change the fact Kuro lost his master because of Rin. 

It didn’t change anything.

 _I’m okay._ Rin responded, eyes fluttering open to gaze at the setting sun. _Just a rough day, y’know?_

Kuro spent more time with him than anyone else, so he knew better. 

_I miss him, too._ Kuro said, and that quiet, sombre confession shattered Rin’s heart. _It’s okay to be sad, Rin._

But it wasn’t.

Oh, how it wasn’t.

* * *

“You alright, Okumura?” Suguro asked at lunch the next day, bumping their shoulders together. 

It was a gesture of affection that would’ve made his cheeks redden and cause him to smile like an idiot if it was any other day, but other than a slight, tiny fluttering feeling in his chest, Rin didn’t react to it. 

He looked up from his food, something he’d spent most of their break pushing around in his lunch box instead of eating. He didn’t feel like it, and the thought alone made his stomach turn. And, as he normally scarfed down whatever he’d cooked the second he and his friends sat down to eat, he supposed this was out of character for himself. Suguro seemed to think so too, given the worried look he shot at Rin.

“Not hungry.” Rin replied with a shrug. “I think I’m probably coming down with something.”

“Ah, that’s too bad, Okumura-kun.” Konekomaru hummed sympathetically, sending him a small smile. “Make sure you get some rest, okay? Especially since we have training coming up later this week.”

“ _Ugh_ , don’t remind me.” Shima whined, and he fixed Rin with an expression that was almost envious. “Okumura, can’t you convince your brother to lay off on us once in a while?”

“If anything, he’s been going easy on us.” Suguro huffed. “After everything that we’ve been through lately, I’m more amped up than ever than to get to work. What about you, Okumura?” He nudged Rin, knowing that he was just as eager to advance through the ranks as Suguro himself was, and the two often viewed each other as rivals to encourage and inspire each other, but Rin merely shrugged again.

“I guess.” He mumbled, closing his lunchbox, despite not eating any of the contents, and tucking it in his backpack. As he zipped up the bag and dusted off his pants in preparation to get up, Suguro eyed him.

“Leaving so soon?” He asked, and Rin simply nodded. “Why?”

Rin frowned for a moment, as if irritated by the question. “Just feel like heading back.” He said, which only left his classmates with more questions as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

“You sure, Okumura-kun?” Konekomaru asked, seeming concerned. “We still have plenty of time-”

“I’m sure.” Rin insisted sharply, turning around. “I’ll see you guys later.”

As the trio watched him leave, Shima’s expression became thoughtful. “He’s going the wrong way.”

Suguro made a face. “Guess he’s cutting class, then.” He was tempted to go after him, but decided against it. If Rin was having as bad of a day as they thought he was, then maybe all he needed was some space.

Konekomaru sighed. “He’s been quiet all day, it’s so unlike him. Do you think something’s wrong?”

“Yeah.” Suguro nodded, his gaze focused on Rin’s retreating form. “Question is, what’s bothering him?”

* * *

“Nii-san, why weren’t you-” Yukio stopped mid-rant as he opened the door to their bedroom and found it empty, save for Kuro sitting on Rin’s bed with a somewhat mournful expression. “Kuro?”

His brother’s familiar looked up at him, ears drooping. He meowed something Yukio couldn’t understand, but it sounded urgent enough that he dropped to a crouch in front of Kuro to give him his full attention. 

Kuro kept moving about, making noises and faces that left Yukio puzzled. And, with their unfortunate language barrier, Yukio had to resort to this game of charades to understand what was going on.

“Okay,” Yukio said after some miming from the familiar, “do you know where he is?”

Kuro shook his head. Then, he started making faces, and followed each with a pause, and another shake of his head. It was as if he was asking Yukio to refrain from something, but he wasn’t sure what it was.

“Don’t…” He arched a brow at the ferocious expressions Kuro began cycling through, “...get mad?”

Kuro nodded rapidly, seeming delighted Yukio had caught on.

“Was Nii-san mad?” Yukio asked next. “Did you two fight before he left?”

Kuro solemnly shook his head, and then rubbed his cheek with a paw while his face became downcast again. Yukio’s confusion must have been obvious, because he started rubbing his eyes, and then his cheek.

“His face…?” He trailed off at Kuro’s glare, indicating his was wrong, and far off the mark at that. “His eyes?” A tilt of the head, perhaps meaning that he was close. “Nii-san is… was… crying? He was sad?” 

Kuro nodded once more.

“You don’t want me to get mad at Nii-san for his behaviour, because he’s sad?” Yukio mused. “Then-”

He was cut off at the sound of his phone, and his eyes widened at the number that flashed across the screen. It was one of his superiors. Yukio accepted the call, opening with, “Okumura, here.”

Kuro growled as he listened to his superior rattle off something about an upcoming mission, something he could barely catch with the irritated familiar that was fighting for his attention by scratching and nipping at his ankles, behaviour that was completely unlike him and a first for Yukio.

“ _Stop it_ , Kuro” Yukio hissed after hanging up, “I understand that you’re worried but I don’t have _time_ for this-”

Kuro _snarled_ at him with a ferocity Yukio had never been the recipient of before, and in that moment, he realised that Kuro didn’t view him as the brother of his bonded, or the son of his treasured late partner. 

He saw him as a threat to Rin’s safety.

With a noise that sounded like a scoff, Kuro darted past him, likely intent on tracking down Yukio’s wayward brother. Yukio frowned and watched the familiar go, but made no move to follow him.

He had more important things to deal with than one of his brother’s tantrums. 

* * *

Rin was torn between grateful and dismayed when Kuro found him, but didn’t ask why he had stormed out. He was thankful for the space he was being allowed, especially with his irritability as of late, but he also longed for Kuro to press, to ask why, to show Rin how worried he was even if that was selfish. 

Rin knew how much Kuro cared for him but lately their bond was something he was beginning to doubt. He’d been questioning his relationships with everyone in his life over the past couple of weeks, and it was hard not to let his anxiety get the best of him. While there had been tension between Rin and his classmates after they discovered his heritage, that was all water under the bridge now, and his bond with them was stronger than ever.

But he still often wondered if that’s how they all really saw it. He wondered if they looked at him and still saw a monster, even if they said otherwise. Even if he wanted to believe otherwise.

“Hey,” Rin said, his voice hoarse, “let’s go home, yeah?”

 _Yeah._ Kuro affectionately nudged at his shin with his head. _Let’s go._

Kuro only clambered onto his shoulder once Rin assured him that it was alright, and Rin wondered how out of it he seemed on the outside to have Kuro of all people walking on eggshells around him. Regardless, he headed back to the dorms, but retired to one of the countless free bedrooms to avoid Yukio for the night. He wasn’t in their shared room when Rin went to check, but even if Yukio had disappeared off to a job, he was usually always back by morning. And, honestly, Rin knew he’d rather avoid the inevitable questioning and wrath he’d face then, especially after skipping all of Yukio’s afternoon classes. 

Still, putting off their confrontation for a few hours didn’t equal a good night’s sleep for Rin.

He awoke around two-thirty to a nightmare he willed himself to forget. His face still felt warm at the heat of ever-vivid flames that never seemed to fade from his subconscious, a bright, brilliant blue that wasn’t his but _was_. Satan’s voice still rang in his ears even after his heart rate settled, but the pain didn’t fade.

He didn’t think it ever would.

Rin found himself staring at his wall as hot tears slipped across the bridge of his nose and dampened his pillow. He didn’t make a sound, though, nor let out the sobs that clawed at the back of his throat. He didn’t allow himself to tremble as he often did when emotional, because it would disturb Kuro’s sleep. His familiar was asleep on his back, just as he was every other night, and Rin wouldn’t wake him for this.

Instead, Rin simply told himself to breathe, and he did. He told himself to be strong, and he was.

He didn’t think he deserved to cry over this, and he didn’t.

* * *

Rin skipped all of his Tuesday classes, something he’d never done before. It left his friends whispering worriedly amongst themselves for most of the day instead of paying attention to their own studies, much to Yukio’s chagrin. Rin _did_ turn up to one of his Wednesday morning lessons, but arrived fifteen minutes late. 

He entered the class without a word, sat down at the back by himself, and kept his head down for the remainder of the class. Yukio didn't comment on his late arrival, for once, and Rin refused to meet his gaze, only lifting his head to glance at the blackboard every so often so he could take notes. 

Toward the end of the lesson, he heard some quiet shuffling to his left, and glanced over to see Nee beaming at him as the familiar clambered up and onto his desk. 

Quirking a brow, Rin looked toward the front of the class, but Shiemi turned away when he met her gaze.

He did, however, notice the small smile she sported, and Izumo’s subtle glances here and there.

Perplexed, Rin returned his attention to Nee as it sprouted bright, tiny yellow flowers for him, and set them beside his notebook before disappearing. He frowned, tentatively tracing a few petals. He wasn’t sure what Shiemi wanted to say by giving him these, but the gesture had to have a deeper meaning, especially with how familiar she was with plants. So, he took a photo and went online for answers.

A quick reverse image search brought up the flowers in an instant. His vision blurred as he scrolled down.

 _Solidago_ , Rin read, _meaning “to strengthen or make whole”. They represent support in difficult times._

He had to blink back tears to read the next line, but after he was done they returned tenfold.

_Often sent to those who are mourning._

Yukio shouted after him when Rin got to his feet and bolted, clutching the flowers to his chest, but didn’t make a move to follow, not when he had a class to teach. Suguro was firmly told to sit down when he made a move to go after Rin, and Yukio restarted the lesson after a moment of silence. 

The tension in the room didn’t fade until the students were dismissed for lunch, and Rin didn’t come back for their next lesson. 

Neither did Izumo.

* * *

Rin heard it got easier with time, ‘it’ meaning pain, anything emotional or physical or traumatic.

But a few months had come and gone, and the year was almost over, so—

When was the pressure in his chest going to lessen? 

When was he going to be able to breathe again?

When was it going to get easier?

Would it?

 _Could_ it?

* * *

“I’m not going to act like I know what’s going on in your head, because I don’t.” 

Rin looked up from his seat at the base of a tree in the True Cross courtyard, knowing it was a stupid idea to stay on campus instead of heading back to the dorms where he wouldn’t be found. But he was tired. He couldn’t bring himself to do that just yet, not without giving himself a second to breathe after what had happened in class, and now he was paying the price for it.

Izumo stood in front of him and fixed him with a look. Her arms were folded and she seemed mad, but he could see the worry in her eyes. He could see it just as he saw it on everyone else’s face when he turned up to class, and again when he left. 

He was more than aware of the concern he’d caused and hated himself for it. He didn’t think he was worth it, nor the time that the others spent worrying about him.

“But I can take a wild guess based on the way you keep distancing yourself from the rest of us.”

She crouched down in front of him and plucked a few stray petals that had fallen from his bouquet, squinting at them. He’d clutched onto the flowers like a lifeline after collapsing here, and even if his uniform was now covered in them, but Rin couldn’t bring himself to care.

“We picked them out together, you know. Me, Shiemi, Suguro, Konekomaru, and Shima.” Izumo continued. “Shiemi thought it’d be a nice gesture, especially with their meaning, and, seeing how you reacted to them in class, I guess we’ve figured out why you’ve been acting like this.” 

She chose not to mention the reason aloud, though. Rin appreciated that more than she would ever know.

“I’m not really good at this stuff, but I couldn’t stand by and watch you struggle like this so,” She averted her gaze, frowning in thought, “I just wanted to remind you that we’re here for you. We’re a team, okay?”

Izumo let the petals she’d gathered go, and the two watched them be swept away by the breeze.

“I’m going to head back to class.” She added. “And I’ll see you back there when you’re ready.”

With that, she left. Rin almost smiled. Short, sweet, and straight to the point. That was Izumo to a T. 

She really was a kind person, after all.

* * *

Rin spent Thursday night in the same spare room as he had the previous two, keeping his distance from Yukio, but still prepared dinner for him before his brother returned from the academy. He got up early the next morning to prepare breakfast for both of them, but ate his share and left long before Yukio’s alarm went off. 

Kuro was sitting on Rin’s desk when Yukio awoke, staring out the window at the horizon with a downcast expression. He followed Yukio around the dorms and made sure he knew where the breakfast and lunch Rin had prepared for him was, and watched him reheat and eat the food with an irritated expression.

“I can’t talk to Nii-san if he’s avoiding me.” Yukio remarked, annoyed at the hostility he was being treated with, and Kuro had the decency to roll his eyes at him, as if he couldn’t believe it. “I’m not going to search for him if he doesn’t want to be found, Kuro. That’d be a waste of time.”

Kuro hissed at him, but relented soon after, as if he’d been expecting this. He left without a backwards glance, and Yukio finished his breakfast in silence. He found himself unnerved by it, as it was the second morning in a row he and Rin hadn’t woken up, eaten, and brushed their teeth together, and it felt wrong. The walk to school had felt twice as long without Rin’s mindless chatter helping pass the time, and Yukio knew it would feel even longer today. Regardless, he stood by what he said to Kuro, and he wasn’t about to allow Rin to waste his time with this childish behaviour when Yukio had important things to tend to. 

Still, he felt some small pang of guilt as he finished the last of his fish, and washed up.

Even when Rin was avoiding him, he still cooked Yukio’s favourite breakfast and packed him lunch. No wonder Kuro was exasperated with him. Rin was upset enough to be distancing himself from everyone, even his familiar, but he still found the time to look after Yukio even when Yukio wasn’t bothered to make an effort to find out what was bothering him so much.

He wondered what that said about him.

* * *

Even though Rin had called ahead to let them know he was coming, and to ensure he wasn’t interrupting anything, he hadn’t expected all of the priests to wait outside the monastery for him. He smiled for the first time in forever as the four men he had lived with his entire life raced to meet him, gathering him in a group hug. He found himself sandwiched between them, but didn’t care if that made it hard to breathe.

He was home.

Izumi was the one who led him to the graveyard after he caught up with the others, guiding him with a gentle hand on his back. Rin was grateful he didn’t mention anything about the classes he was cutting to be here, Fujimoto, the monastery, or the night that had turned Rin’s life completely upside down. He filled the silence with quiet questions about Rin’s homework, training, and a few stories of amusing things that had happened at the monastery during services and the like while Rin had been at True Cross Academy. As he was the closest out of the other priests to Rin and Yukio in age, Rin had always viewed him as an older brother of sorts. 

Now, he appreciated him more than ever, and hugged him once more before he left.

“Take as long as you need,” Izumi said as he headed back, “you know where to find us if you need us.”

Rin could only nod in response, not trusting his voice. Izumi left without another word, and Rin stared at his father’s tombstone, his throat tightening with emotion that arrived in an instant and overwhelmed him in a second. He didn’t think he’d find closure here, or if this would make anything better, but he had to say something, anything, for the man that had given him everything and more.

“I’m sorry,” as all Rin could offer, “Dad, I-” he choked on a sob, “ _fuck_ , I’m so sorry.”

He breathed in sharply, stumbling backwards as he read the kanji of Fujimoto’s name, and saw nothing but bloodied smiles and blue flames. This was a mistake. He couldn’t be here, he realised suddenly. He didn’t _want_ to be here. His stomach twisted and nausea swirled in his throat and he closed his eyes, pulling at his hair as his lungs burned for air he wasn’t receiving. He could hear his own gasping and choking, and then someone's voice rose above it all.

In the next moment, a familiar figure was in front of him and the dark, dreary graveyard disappeared. 

* * *

Mephisto’s office was an unsettling sight on a normal day, but right now Rin would have preferred nothing more than to be quite literally _anywhere_ else.

“Okumura-kun.” Mephisto greeted as if he hadn’t just abducted him. “I’ve heard you’ve had quite the week. I never thought I’d see someone as eager to get ahead in the world of exorcists as yourself skipping classes.”

“Cut the crap,” Rin hissed, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand so he could fix the Mephisto with a fierce, tearless glare, “I’m not in the mood for dealing with you right now.”

“Ah, but that’s nothing unusual.” Mephisto smirked, gesturing to the chair on the other side of his desk with a hand. It was a movement that indicated he wanted Rin to take a seat, but that wouldn’t happen. 

“Neither is _you_ being _difficult_.” Rin spat. “I’m outta here.” He turned on his heel and stalked toward the door of the principal’s office, but with a snap of the latter’s fingers, it disappeared in a flash. Rin scowled.

“It’s always going to hurt.” Mephisto said abruptly, and Rin’s head whirled in his direction at both his words, and his startling, uncharacteristic seriousness. “There is the age-old saying that states time heals all wounds, but there is only some truth to that.” He met Rin’s gaze over his clasped hands. “Time may cure the intensity of the pain, but then it will simply lessen into more of a dull ache. It won’t vanish entirely.”

“I’m not talking about this with _you_ of all people.” Rin growled, ignoring the pang of anguish he felt at Mephisto’s statement. He smacked a fist against the now blank wall without breaking eye contact. “Let me out.”

Mephisto stared at him blankly. “Not until you’ve calmed down a little.”

“I don’t give a shit about how _calm_ you want me to be when you’re _trapping_ me here for no reason-”

“There is a reason and it’s a serious one at that.” Mephisto countered. “I understand that your father’s passing is causing you a great amount of pain, which is understandable, but your recent behaviour is concerning not just myself but-”

“As if _you’d_ care!” Rin spat, knowing that his bitterness was uncalled for, and that it was unfair to be directing this at Mephisto, at anyone, really, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes were burning and his chest _ached_ and he just wanted it all to stop. He just wanted to remember what it was like to breathe without such a painful weight in his chest, without Yukio looking at him like _that_ , without Rin wishing he was—

Mephisto crossed the space between them within the instance it took Rin to blink, and drew him into his arms. Rin was so surprised by the action that he froze as a hand gently pressed on the back of his head, ushering him to rest his forehead against Mephisto’s shoulder, or, most likely, to hide his face in his chest.

“Of course I care.” Mephisto assured in a soft voice that was unlike him. “While I know I have been… difficult and my motives may seem confusing to you, I assure you that in every instance I have referred to you as my younger brother it has not been to jest.” 

His hand shifted, then, tentatively running through his hair in a gesture so tentative and tender, Rin visibly shuddered. He hadn’t experienced affection from another person like that in a while, not since his father’s passing. The thought alone of his father ruffling his hair as he often used to made Rin choke up a little.

“Let me be clear now, I assure you that I am here for you in your hour of need, little brother.” Mephisto continued. “Now, and whenever you require my aid in the future. No tricks this time, I promise.”

Rin made a noise that was something between a laugh at how ridiculous this was, and a sob at how _thankful_ he was. Then, he finally allowed himself to properly cry, readily collapsing into Mephisto’s arms and pressing his face against his shirt as he gripped onto the fabric of it as if it were a lifeline. 

And, given the circumstances, he supposed it was.

“Oh, little brother,” Mephisto hushed as Rin let out a wail, “life hasn’t been too kind to you, has it?”

* * *

Rin wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but he opened his eyes to find himself resting in the largest, comfiest bed he’d ever been in. Mephisto sat at the end of it, reading some manga, a pile of the same series resting at his feet. He looked up when Rin shifted, and a delighted smile touched his lips.

“I hope you slept well, little brother.” He said warmly. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Rin slowly sat up, running a hand through his bedhead. “Is this...?”

“My home.” Mephisto announced, gesturing around the garishly decorated space. “But, when you feel up to leaving, I can transport you back to your dormitory myself. It wouldn’t take a moment.”

“Thanks.” Rin said, scratching at the back of his head, self-conscious. “Um, about before-”

“There is no need to be embarrassed, little brother.” Mephisto assured with a wink. “So don’t look so uncomfortable, alright?”

“You’re really pushing this ‘little brother’ thing now, aren’t you?” Rin said with a quiet laugh.

“Does it bother you?” Mephisto asked, his tone adopting that same strange seriousness. “If so-”

“No.” Rin countered, smiling a little. “Just, um, thank you. For everything.”

“I need no thanks.” Mephisto remarked. “Seeing you well is enough.” He patted Rin’s leg affectionately. “But, speaking of which, I ask that you confide in your friends about these matters. As I said, I am more than happy to provide support, but your friends love you dearly. You must be able to trust them.”

“I _do_ trust them.”

“But not with yourself?” Mephisto asked. “Not with this, when you have been nothing but empathetic and understanding to all of those who surround you? That doesn’t seem fair to you, little brother.”

Rin frowned, shoulders slumping.

“I don’t mean to pressure you, but you should talk to them.” Mephisto continued gently. “They’re the ones who brought your behaviour to my attention, after all. They’re worried about you.”

“I know they are, it’s just…” Rin shook his head. “I’ll talk to them.”

“Good.” Mephisto smiled. “That was what I was hoping to hear.”

* * *

Suguro, Shima, and Konekomaru were waiting at the front gates of the dorm when Rin returned. He eyed them for a moment with slight dismay, knowing that he looked awful. His uniform was rumpled from his impromptu nap, his hair was a disaster, and it was obvious from a single glance that he’d been crying. 

His friends, however, didn’t comment.

“Hey, Okumura!” Suguro slung an arm around his shoulders when he neared, Rin’s face warming at the contact. “Thought we’d bring some copies of the notes you missed in class so you can catch up.”

“Wait, what?” Rin blinked, Konekomaru smiling as he showed him the notebooks he’d brought along.

“We also brought some movies over, since it’s the weekend,” Konekomaru added, “and because it seems like you’ve had a rough couple of days, Okumura-kun.”

“Don’t forget snacks!” Shima chimed in, clapping him on the back. “You up for a boy’s night?"

“You guys…” Rin looked at the bags they’d brought with them, filled with food, manga, and DVDs. He swallowed. “You guys did all of this for me?”

“Why wouldn’t we?” Suguro asked, and Rin turned to meet his gaze. “You’re our friend, and if you don’t wanna talk, that’s fine.” He assured. “We can at least be here for you while you work out whatever it is that’s bothering you. That’s what we’re here for, right guys?”

“Right!” Shima grinned.

“Of course!” Konekomaru cheered.

Rin smiled, sniffling. “Thanks.” He breathed, wiping his eyes. “Let’s go inside then, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Suguro nodded, pulling him that bit closer as they walked inside together.

* * *

Yukio arrived later that evening to find the four in the kitchen, Rin stirring something on the stove with Kuro on his shoulder and Suguro’s arm around him while Shima and Konekomaru set out plates and cutlery for their meal. The sight made Yukio pause in the doorway, taking in the sight of Rin smiling and laughing with his friends, something he hadn’t seen for a while.

“Oh, Yukio.” Rin turned to face him. “Welcome back! Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, okay?”

It was strange, seeing him act as if the last couple of days, especially this past week, hadn’t happened. But, Rin was smiling and seemed happier than ever, so Yukio knew better than to question it. 

“Okay.” He said, not missing the glare he received from Kuro, or the unreadable looks from his students.

After dinner, the group retired to one of the spare rooms, where they’d set up the television and DVD player Mephisto had gifted the brothers as an early Christmas/birthday present wrapped in one. Yukio had declined Rin’s offer to join them, and went back to his own room to do whatever it was Yukio did on a Friday night. Shima brainstormed a few ideas, each more unlikely than the last, while the group laughed and unrolled the spare futons they’d found in the cupboard.

“Okay, so we brought about five different movies since we couldn’t pick one,” Konekomaru said next, sheepishly passing the pile to Rin, “Okumura-kun, I think we’ll leave it up to you to decide.”

“Because we’re hopeless.” Shima chuckled.

“Before that, Okumura and I are gonna go get the snacks out of the fridge.” Suguro announced, and Rin blinked when he opened the door and gestured for Rin to follow. “C’mon.”

“Oh, right.”

They travelled down the hall in silence, and it was not until they made it to the kitchen that Suguro spoke.

“I know we sprung this on you at the last minute.” He leaned against the wall across from Rin after making sure they wouldn’t be overheard, shoving his hands into his pockets. “And that’s our bad, but we thought you would’ve said no if we asked, and we didn’t want to leave you alone.”

“Thanks for the flowers.” was the first thing Rin blurted out, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

Suguro smiled a little. “It’s the least we could do.”

“And thanks for all of this.” Rin added. “I’m… I’m sorry for this week. And being moody for like, this whole month so far.”

“You don’t have to apologize-”

“Yeah, I do.”

Rin thought of Mephisto, who had told him his friends had spoken to the principal about him. The reason he’d been sought out was because his friends had been worried about him, and had been looking for them.

He owed them an explanation, at least. No matter how hard it would be to admit it all aloud.

“I just-” Rin inhaled sharply, “I can’t do this. I can’t face Yukio, I can’t face Kuro, I can’t look at the rest of you without thinking- without wondering if all of you- you-”

“If we…?” Suguro prompted.

“-if you all like me, if you can even _stand_ me, or if you’re all scared of me, like you were before Kyoto.”

“Okumura, of course we aren’t-”

“How am _I_ supposed to believe that?!” Rin didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he couldn’t help it. He’d always been quick to anger, to start fights and screaming matches because of the filthy, _demonic_ blood in his veins, something he’d never get rid of. He would wash his hands and they would never be clean of Fujimoto’s blood, no matter how many lives he’d managed to save throughout his career as an exorcist. 

In the end, he would forever be a demon, but worse than that, he’d be the spawn of Satan himself. 

“I killed my dad. Yukio was _right_.” Rin choked. “Satan wouldn’t have possessed him if it weren’t for me, for yelling at him, for breaking his heart like that and I-” He shook his head. “I’m the worst excuse for a son. Ever since I was a kid I just- I’ve hurt so many people and ruined pretty much everything and-”

He took a few shuddering breaths, and Suguro’s heart hammered in his chest.

“-I never should’ve been _born_.”

“Don’t you _dare_ fucking say that!” Suguro shouted, and Rin jumped, startled. He stared at Suguro like a deer caught in the headlights, tears clumping his lashes together. “Don’t you _dare_ , Okumura-”

“Why not?!”

“What do you _mean_ , why not?! Don’t you _understand_?!” Suguro strode forward and grasped hold of Rin’s shoulders. “I can’t believe that you’d even think that… Okumura, you really don’t get it, do you?” He shook his head, laughing in disbelief. “You have no idea how much you’ve done for the rest of us.”

“Yeah, right.” Rin scoffed through a sob, half to himself, and Suguro frowned. 

“I _mean_ it, Okumura.” Suguro insisted. “You’ve saved our lives more times than I can count, and even before that, you’re the reason Shiemi started coming to class, and you’re the reason all of us became friends in the first place!” He shook Rin, as if to further his point. “ _You’re_ the one that inspires the rest of us to become better, so that we can match your power. You’re like a goal to us. We want to catch up to you so we can stand beside you in battle while we take down Satan _together_.”

Rin swallowed, sniffling. “You guys...don’t hate me?”

“Hate you?” Suguro asked breathily, emotional himself. “Of course not. We- we _love_ you, Okumura.”

“For real? Like, you’re not just saying it but you actually...you...” Rin shook his head, and Suguro felt his heart ache at how desperate Rin seemed for confirmation, as if he still couldn’t believe it. “All of you?”

Suguro pulled Rin to his chest, wrapped his arms around him, and rested his chin on his shoulder. “We love you.” He reassured. “Every single one of us does, Okumura. I promise.”

Rin let out a shaky breath, returning the embrace. “...Why?” He asked in a small, tentative voice.

Suguro closed his eyes, tears of his own making their way down his cheeks. “Because you’re you.” He whispered. “We wouldn’t have you any other way, Okumura. And _I_ wouldn’t have you any other way."

He felt Rin shift, pressing his forehead against Suguro’s shoulder. “Th-Thank you...” 

“I should be saying that to you, y’know.”

“Yeah, well,” Rin laughed quietly, and it made Suguro smile, “I love you guys, too. That means you, too, Suguro.”

Suguro snickered, pulling him that little bit closer. “I’m glad.”

* * *

“What did you mean, before?” Suguro asked him a little later, as the duo dug through the fridge together. “When you said that Okumura-sensei was right? Did he tell you that you were the one who killed your dad?”

“Yeah, he did.” Rin said quietly. “He told me, on that first day of class, that I should’ve just died, too.”

Suguro gritted his teeth together. “He was wrong.” He hissed. “He never should have said that to you.”

Rin didn’t respond to that, so Suguro shut the door in his face. “Hey-”

“Okumura,” Suguro said, leaning in, and their faces were so close that Suguro’s breath warmed Rin’s cheeks, “trust me, I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.” He promised. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

Rin’s eyes watered, and he chuckled, wiping his tears away. “Thanks, Suguro.” He whispered.

“I mean it.” Suguro insisted. “Also, the second I’m able to, I’m going to kick your brother’s ass.”

Rin snorted. “Pfft, _Suguro_ , c’mon-” 

“I mean it!” Suguro exclaimed. “Speaking of which, remind me to talk to Mephisto tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“I'll tell you later.” Suguro shrugged, and Rin raised a brow, but didn’t press.

* * *

“Sorry for the intrusion!” Shiemi said brightly when Suguro and Rin returned, their arms full of snacks.

Rin had about two seconds to stare at her and Izumo in surprise at their unexpected arrival before Shiemi was in front of him and hugging him so tight it was as if she thought he’d disappear the second she let go. He dropped his bags to the floor to return the gesture, which Shima and Konekomaru unpacked for him, and Rin’s face reddened when Shiemi eventually pulled back and took his face in her hands.

She stared at him for a solemn moment before asking, “You’ve been crying, haven’t you, Rin?”

Rin swallowed, a little embarrassed to have to admit it in front of everyone, even though Suguro was right there and had been the person he’d been bawling his eyes out in front of. “Yeah.” He said.

Shiemi softened, then teared up a little. “You’ve been so sad,” She lamented, “and so _lonely_ , and we haven’t been there for you-”

“That’s not true.” He grasped hold of her wrists. “ _I’m_ the one who was skipping and avoiding all of you-”

“Because you felt like you couldn’t talk to us!” Shiemi cut in, shaking her head. “Well, not anymore!” She let go of him and gestured to the others to come forward, which they did without hesitation.

“Sorry about not telling you that we were coming,” Izumo said as she came closer. “Shima texted us and said it was an emergency, and it seems like it was.” She gave him a short, quick hug, but Rin treasured every second of it. “But I meant what I said the other day. We’re here for you.”

“What she said,” Shima chuckled, but when it was his turn, he held on for long enough for the gesture to say all the things that he couldn’t. His eyes were shining when he they parted, and he nudged Rin affectionately, laughing and complimenting his smile when Rin grinned back at him.

Konekomaru was a similar case, stumbling over his words and fidgeting with his glasses, but Rin knew all of his attempts at comforting him were sincere, and that was enough. He squeaked when Rin hugged him, but whispered, “whenever you want to talk, I’ll be there, okay?” as he pulled back. 

That was more than enough.

Suguro smirked when Rin turned to him next, and hollered for the others to join as he advanced on the latter like an oncoming train. His weight toppled the both of them over, Rin falling back onto a futon with a surprised yelp that dissolved into a snort. Shima landed beside him, throwing an arm over the duo, and the others soon followed. Shiemi was next, giggling as she ducked under Suguro to squeeze her arms around Rin, and Izumo joined her, having to reach through a sea of limbs to even graze Rin. Shima sat up only to tug Konekomaru down, who joined with a stutter that was quickly replaced with a bright smile, and Rin found himself weighed down in a way that made him feel far lighter than he ever had before.

Even if it was hard to breathe, just as it had been for the longest time, this was different. This was _better_.

Rin let his head fall back and broke into a fit of laughter, and for the first time in weeks, he felt alright. His friends joined him, and even after they separated to allow him space, they didn’t stray far. In a mess of blankets and limbs, the group crowded around the small screen and debated on what to watch until, just as Konekomaru had suggested earlier, they pressured Rin into choosing on everyone’s behalf. So he did. 

As the episode loaded, there were so many people in Rin’s personal space that he couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began, but it didn’t matter. He sat back and laughed along with his friends through different arcs, sang the words to each opening at the top of his lungs, and cried as they did while the seasons and the hours ticked on, not a single one of them caring if they woke Yukio from down the hall.

And, as Izumo thankfully made the executive decision to call it a night, Rin found himself sandwiched between Suguro and Shiemi, Kuro nestled on his back. Izumo slept on Shiemi’s other side, Konekomaru following suit beside Suguro, while Shima stretched out above their heads. 

It was hard not to feel anything other than adored when surrounded by his closest friends, and Rin found himself smiling like an idiot, even when Suguro smirked at him in the dim moonlight.

“Thanks.” Rin whispered to him, and Suguro’s smirk widened just a little.

“You’ve got nothing to thank us for.” He assured, and he threw an arm over Rin’s back, mindful of Kuro. “Just keep being you, and talk to us when this get rough, and that’s all we’ll need.”

Rin’s eyes watered a little, and he shuffled just a bit closer, if only to whisper his gratitude once more, and to let Suguro’s breathing lull him to sleep.

He drifted off with a smile on his face.

* * *

Rin visited the graveyard again on Christmas Eve, but this time he came with his friends in tow.

What he didn’t expect to see, however, was Yukio and Mephisto both standing there already, bouquets in hand, waiting for him. His twin lifted his head and gave him a small smile as the group approached, and Mephisto tipped his hat. Rin couldn’t help but stare at the odd pair, especially given their location.

“Yukio... Mephisto...” Rin said awkwardly when he reached them, “what are you guys doing here?”

“Well, _little brother_...” Mephisto sauntered over and placed a hand on Rin’s shoulder, adding emphasis to the nickname with a sideways glance at Yukio to ensure that his not-so-subtle jibe had been noticed. Judging by the slight twitch of Yukio’s eye, it had been. “When I asked your dear classmates for an update, I was informed you’d be here today, so I thought I’d come to pay my respects and catch up with your _darling_ twin while I was at it.”

Rin watched Mephisto put down his purple, bow-shaped flowers with a small, thankful smile, because he knew the gesture was sincere. His gaze lingered on the bouquet as he tried to remember what these flowers symbolised. During the previous day, Shiemi had given them a small lecture on the symbolism of mourning flowers, mostly for Rin’s benefit, because he wanted to express what he couldn’t put into words to whisper to his father’s grave. However, he wasn’t too great at recalling all of them.

His expression must have given away his confusion because Shiemi whispered in his ear, “Cymbidiums.” 

And while Rin couldn’t quite remember their exact meaning, Mephisto was quick to add, “it’s a gesture of respect for the man I knew, and the friendship we shared. I valued the time I spent with him.” He smiled at the grave for a brief moment, then returned his gaze to meet Rin’s. “And I still do.”

“Thank you.” Rin said, and he meant it. Mephisto’s eyes creased at the edges, and he patted Rin’s back.

“Of course, little brother.” Mephisto pulled him in for a brief hug, and let his hands remain on his shoulders when he pulled back. “Now, remember what I said before, if you need me, I will be there.” He insisted. “And, for what it’s worth, be kind to yourself. Don’t blame yourself for the actions of others.”

 _You didn’t kill your father_ , is what Rin heard, _Satan is the one at fault for that._

“Thank you.” Rin said again, but this time his voice wavered for a moment. “I mean it.”

Mephisto squeezed his shoulders, and then took a step back. “Now that I’ve said my piece, I’ll take my leave.” He announced. “I’ll see all of you after the holidays, so enjoy yourselves during your time off.” 

And, with that, he was gone.

Rin looked to Yukio next, who stared back at him for a quiet moment, their breaths visible in small puffs. Then, Yukio turned to face Fujimoto’s headstone, and set down the flowers he had brought as his own offering. Rin was somewhat proud of himself for recognising Chrysanthemums, at least. The bouquet was an expression of sorrow and grief, and the thought alone made Rin’s chest ache. Yukio idolised Fujimoto more than anyone, and even if he hadn’t shown it, Rin knew Yukio was hurting just as much as he was.

Suguro gently nudged Rin forward when he found himself staring at the grave instead of moving toward it, and pressed a hand against his back when Rin finally willed his legs to move, setting his flowers down with trembling hands. He took a breath, feeling Suguro’s hand slide across his shoulder blades to rest on his arm, a gesture that reminded him that if he needed help to stand, or the strength for a moment like this, he was there. Rin let him pull him to his feet, where Suguro and Shiemi moved to his side to support him.

“Purple Hyacinths.” Yukio mused, half to himself. “Sadness, regret, and asking for forgiveness...” He studied Rin for a moment, his gaze unreadable as ever. “I’m sure he would appreciate that, Nii-san.”

It didn’t sound genuine, but that was the kindest thing Yukio had said to him since Fujimoto’s passing, so Rin would take it. He nodded in acknowledgement, then gestured for his friends to come forward. One by one, they set down their own flowers beside Rin and Yukio’s arrangements, all having picked the same type to express the same sentiment. Lisianthus, for gratitude. Gratitude for raising Rin and Yukio, for teaching them all he had, for allowing them to meet the others as they had, at this point in their lives.

Yukio moved to stand at Rin’s side as the brothers faced Fujimoto’s grave, admiring the fresh appearance the various flowers gave it. Kuro, from his place on Rin’s shoulder, rubbed his cheek, purring.

 _He’d be proud of you, Rin._ Kuro murmured. _I know he would be._

 _Thank you, Kuro._ Rin sniffled, lifting a hand to pat his head as Kuro leaned into the touch. 

Then, as their friends gathered around them, huddling together for warmth, and to show their support, Rin’s phone beeped, signalling that it was 12AM. Now, it was officially December 25th, Christmas Day.

“Happy Birthday, Rin.” Shiemi murmured, resting her head on his shoulder. Yukio rested a hand against Rin’s back, and she smiled at him, too. “Happy Birthday, Yuki-chan.”

Rin smiled, then took a breath, and began to tell his father about the past year, and the friends he’d made. 

* * *

Rin’s classmates departed for the night shortly after, and he, Yukio, and Kuro returned to the dorms together. Kuro went on ahead to relish in the heat while Rin and Yukio took off their shoes and coats, but as Rin finished and made a move to follow, Yukio grabbed his arm and said, “Nii-san, wait a minute.”

“Yeah?” Rin asked.

Yukio paused, letting go of him. “I...have to apologise to you.” 

Rin tilted his head. “For what?”

“For treating you the way that I have.” Yukio sighed.

Rin pursed his lips. “Did Suguro and Mephisto put you up to this?”

“If by that you’re asking if they spoke to me about my behaviour, then yes.” Yukio said, averting his gaze. “It seems that you mentioned the conversation we had on our first day at True Cross to Suguro, who then passed it onto Mephisto and they both...weren’t pleased.”

“Listen, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble with them-”

“That isn’t what I meant. What I meant to say is that I was blind to my actions, and they made me aware of them.” Yukio cut in. “I’m trying to apologise, because I took my grief out on you when Father died. I directed the anger and sadness I felt at you, because you were there, and that wasn’t fair.” He took a breath, seeming distressed as he chose his next words carefully. “I told you to die, didn’t I?” 

Rin nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“And I even admitted that I knew those words would haunt you.”

Sighing, he nodded again. “You did.”

Yukio gritted his teeth. “I never should have said that.”

“But you meant it.”

Yukio’s eyes widened as he stared at Rin, who gazed back at him with an unreadable expression. “You wanted me to die. You probably still do. I mean, you spent our whole childhood knowing that I was a demon, and thinking of me as a threat.” Rin shrugged. “And then, I ended up killing our dad.”

“ _Nii-san_ -”

“Of course you’d want me dead.” Rin continued, and he looked away, keeping that bitter smile on his face even as his eyes filled with tears. “And I just didn’t want to believe it. I told you not to tell me that, and that you were wrong, but you weren’t.” He shook his head. “I told you not to say that, because I’d been telling myself that since the second Dad was possessed.” 

“I kept thinking _‘this is my fault’_.” Rin went on. “And _‘I did this’_. And I was _right_.” He turned back to Yukio, who looked stricken, which was so unlike his perfect little brother, and choked back a sob. “I- I’m sorry, Yukio.” Rin cried. “I killed our dad and I- I’m so _sorry_. I should’ve died. It should’ve been _me_.” 

Yukio strode forward and Rin flinched, closing his eyes, expecting a punch or to have a gun shoved in his face, but neither came. Hesitantly, he looked up, and found Yukio looking at him in sorrow.

“No, Nii-san.” He hushed. “No. I was wrong.”

And then, he did something Rin never would have expected. Yukio hugged him.

“You’re all I have left.” Yukio murmured into his shoulder, voice thick. “And I shouldn’t have pushed you away when you needed me the most. I shouldn’t have treated you like I had, and have been treating you.”

Rin froze, tears sliding down his face. 

“I’m sorry for what I said. Truly, I am.”

“Y-Yukio…” He whimpered.

“I became an exorcist to protect you.” Yukio continued. “All I ever wanted, our entire lives, was to protect you. And when you do reckless things, it scares me. I’ve always told myself that I couldn’t be fragile around you. I had to be strong, to protect you, so I buried my fear with anger, even though I shouldn’t have.”

“You should never have felt like I didn’t want you to be alive, when it’s all I ever wanted.” Yukio sniffled. “I’m sorry, Nii-san. Please... _please_ forgive me for all that I have said and done to you. I’ll improve, I’ll be better-”

“Yukio…”

“I swear to you, on our father’s grave, as I once swore to him that I’ll _look after you_ -”

“ _Yukio_.” Rin cut him off. “I...” He finally willed himself to move and hug him back. “ _Thank you_.”

“You have _nothing_ to thank me for.” Yukio insisted. 

“Then, let me say something else.” He closed his eyes and let himself savor this moment. “I love you.”

Yukio let out a sigh of relief that was so pent-up it left him breathless. “I love you, too, Nii-san.”

He didn’t expect to have Rin’s forgiveness just like that, and he knew he didn’t. He didn’t deserve it now. But perhaps he would, someday. Yukio promised himself he would work for it, and he would earn it.

For Rin’s sake, if nothing else.

* * *

When Rin returned from his first classes after winter break, he found a vase full of bright yellow flowers upon his desk. He shot a quizzical look at Yukio, who merely smiled in amusement and didn’t say a word.

Perplexed, Rin lifted the card that was attached to one of the stems and peered at it. 

_Yellow roses_ , _from all of us,_ the card read in Shiemi’s handwriting, _for friendship._

“And,” Rin turned around and saw Yukio gesturing to another vase on his own desk, “these are from me.”

Rin couldn’t keep the smile from his face, and it grew even wider at the sight of the sunflowers Yukio had chosen for him, practically shoving past his twin to find and read the card Yukio had left for him. 

And, in Yukio’s careful, neat handwriting, read: _Sunflowers, for trustworthiness, and loyalty._

“I know our relationship hasn’t experienced vast changes in the weeks we’ve had off school,” Yukio said, “and it won’t change overnight, but there is one thing that our friends and I share in common.” He offered Rin a smile. “We’ll be here for you, no matter what. Always.”

Rin grinned, hooking an arm around his brother’s neck, Kuro jumping excitedly at their heels. “Then let’s go find them,” He said cheerfully, “so I can thank everyone in person.”

Kuro jumped up onto his shoulder, and the brothers left the dorms together, laughter trailing behind them.

Rin’s sword swung against his back as he moved, but for once, it didn’t feel like a heavy weight. It didn’t feel like a reminder of his father’s death, but a memento, something to remember him by. And, as Rin raced on ahead, more excited than ever to catch up with his friends, he thought of Fujimoto, and it didn’t hurt like it once had.

He knew that his father was smiling down on him, that he always would, and Rin was content with that.


End file.
